The Influential Nonprofit Episode 100: Maryanne Dersch: How To Have Difficult Conversations
Preparation is critical when it comes to having difficult conversations.
Don’t think of what to say on the spot, instead, ask yourself these three questions: “What do you want to have happen?”, “What is not okay for me?”, and “What is the story I’m telling myself right now?”
Release the outcome. Create a structure that’s going to further the conversation - don’t make people feel divided. Hold space for neutral energy, be conscious of what’s happening in your body, and look for something that everybody may agree with.
Your gifts, talents, intellect, and opinions are valuable. Ground yourself in the value that you bring to the situation. Remind yourself that you’re in that room for a reason. Don’t be afraid to tell the truth.
The goal of difficult conversations isn’t to break the conflict. Conflict is a natural part of a healthy relationship and honoring that conflict brings people together. Putting peace on a pedestal creates more conflict.
Do you want to be liked or do you want to be valuable? You can be liked and then you can walk away resentful because you didn't say what you wanted. Or you can be valuable.
In a dispute or in what we consider conflict, we're focused on what the split is. What we really want to focus on is what we agree to. You can agree to a lot more than you don't agree to. It puts us in a mindset of finding like values and finding ideas.
Conflict is not the enemy. Honoring that conflict is a natural part of a relationship.
Truth-telling is leadership.
Ask for and receive all you want need and deserve without feeling rejected, ineffective, or pushy.
Learn to manage your mindset, lead yourself and others more effectively and have the meaningful conversations that drive your most important work.