Deepening Donor Relationships

Today,we’re diving into a powerful fundraising concept I call the "Three Pains" approach. This tool is going to help you understand your donors on a whole new level, allowing you to build deeper connections and relationships, and raise more money without feeling like you're constantly pushing or selling. Sound good? Let's jump right in!

Fundraising is relationship building: put the relationship first and the money will follow

Listen up, because this is crucial: fundraising isn't about pitching or convincing. It's all about building relationships. I'm talking about real, authentic connections here. When you focus on creating those genuine bonds, guess what happens? The money follows! It's like magic, but it's not - it's just human nature. People give to people they trust and feel connected to.

Think about it - would you rather give your hard-earned cash to a faceless organization or to someone you know, like, and trust? Exactly! That's why I always say, put the relationship first. Get to know your donors as people, not just wallets. Learn about their passions, their dreams, their fears. When you do this, you're not just raising money - you're building a community of passionate supporters who are invested in your mission.

So, stop stressing about the ask and start thinking about how you can truly connect with your donors. Trust me, when you nail this, the money part becomes so much easier.

Use the "Three Pains" to better understand your donor prospects and their needs

Alright, here's where it gets juicy. I'm about to introduce you to a concept that'll revolutionize how you understand your donors: the Three Pains. This isn't just some fancy theory - it's a practical tool that'll help you dig deeper and really get what makes your donors tick.

The Three Pains approach is like having a secret decoder ring for donor motivations. It helps you understand not just what donors are saying, but what they're really thinking and feeling. And when you can tap into that, my friends, that's when the magic happens. You'll be able to connect with donors on a whole new level, address their real concerns, and build relationships that last.

Pain 1 is the pain you know and admit to

This is the surface-level stuff. It's what people are comfortable talking about, the problem they'll readily admit to. In fundraising, it might be something like, "We need a new building for our programs." It's important, sure, but it's just the tip of the iceberg.

Pain 1 is easy to spot because it's what people will tell you outright. It's the reason they give for why they can't donate right now, or why they're hesitant about a new program. But here's the thing - while Pain 1 is real, it's rarely the whole story. It's like when someone says they can't come to your party because they're busy - true, maybe, but probably not the whole truth.

Pain 2 is the pain you know, but don't admit to

Now we're getting somewhere! This is the stuff people know deep down but aren't quite ready to say out loud. Maybe your donor is worried about their legacy, or they're feeling disconnected from their community. They might not say it directly, but it's there, influencing their decisions.

Pain 2 is trickier to uncover, but it's where the real gold is. This is the stuff that people are a bit embarrassed about, or maybe they haven't fully admitted it to themselves yet. For a donor, it might be that they're worried about making a bad investment, or they're not sure if their contribution will really make a difference. These are the concerns that, if addressed, can really open doors.

Pain 3 is the pain you don't know, don't admit to but others can see iT

This is the deep stuff, folks. It's the underlying motivations that people might not even be aware of themselves. As fundraisers, when we can tap into this level, that's when the magic happens. It could be a need for significance, a desire to make amends, or a longing for connection.

Pain 3 is the Holy Grail of donor understanding. It's the subconscious stuff, the deep-seated needs and desires that drive people's actions without them even realizing it. Maybe your donor grew up poor and now has a deep-seated need to help others avoid that experience. Or perhaps they're driven by a desire to leave a lasting impact on the world. When you can tap into these motivations, you can create truly transformative giving experiences.

Our complaints (pain 1) are the physical manifestations of a deeper problem and not what is actually going on

Here's a truth bomb for you: when someone comes to you with a complaint, it's rarely about what they're actually saying. That blue toilet water story I mentioned in the podcast? It wasn't really about the blue water. It was about feeling valued and respected. Remember this, because it'll change how you handle every interaction.

Think of Pain 1 as the symptom, not the disease. When a donor complains about not receiving a thank you note, they're not really upset about the piece of paper. They're feeling undervalued or forgotten. When a board member keeps pushing for a new brochure, they're probably not really passionate about graphic design - they're likely feeling unprepared or lacking confidence in their ability to talk about your organization.

By understanding that the surface complaint is just a manifestation of a deeper issue, you can address the real problem and create much more satisfying solutions.

Blind spots are parts of yourself that you don't want others to see

We've all got 'em - those parts of ourselves we'd rather keep hidden. And guess what? Your donors have them too. Being aware of these blind spots can help you navigate tricky conversations and build deeper trust.

Blind spots are like those embarrassing baby photos your mom loves to show everyone - we all have them, but we'd rather pretend they don't exist. In fundraising, blind spots might be a donor's fear of public speaking that makes them hesitant to be honored at an event, or a board member's insecurity about their financial knowledge that makes them shy away from asking for major gifts.

The key is to recognize that these blind spots exist and to approach them with empathy and understanding. When you can help someone navigate their blind spots without making them feel exposed or vulnerable, you build incredible trust and loyalty.

You will deny or deflect any attribute that is outside of your accepted identity or "egosystem"

We all have this sense of who we are - I call it our "egosystem." Anything that doesn't fit into that? We'll deny it faster than you can say "fundraising." Understanding this about yourself and your donors will help you communicate in a way that resonates, not alienates.

Your egosystem is like your personal brand - it's how you see yourself and how you want others to see you. If something doesn't fit that image, your brain will work overtime to reject it. For example, if a donor sees themselves as frugal and practical, they might resist being seen as a philanthropist, even if they have the means to give generously.

The trick is to frame your asks and your messaging in a way that aligns with people's egosystems. Don't try to make them be someone they're not - instead, show them how supporting your cause fits perfectly with who they already believe themselves to be

How to handle complaints or problems using the Three Pains

So, how do you put this into practice? When a donor comes to you with an issue, don't just address the surface-level complaint. Here's what you do:

·         Listen actively: Give your full attention to what the donor is saying. Don't just hear the words, but listen for the emotions and underlying concerns.

·         Identify the level of pain: Is it Pain 1, 2, or 3? Remember, the surface complaint is usually just Pain 1.

·         Dig deeper: Ask probing questions to uncover the underlying concerns. Use open-ended questions that encourage the donor to share more.

·         Show empathy: Acknowledge their feelings and concerns. Let them know you understand and that their feelings are valid.

·         Address the deeper pain: Focus on resolving the root cause, not just the symptom. This might mean addressing fears or insecurities they haven't directly expressed.

·         Offer solutions: Propose ideas that address all levels of pain, if possible. This shows you're truly committed to meeting their needs.

·         Follow up: Check in later to ensure the issue is fully resolved. This demonstrates ongoing care and builds trust.

·         Learn and adapt: Use the insights gained to improve your approach for future interactions. Each complaint is an opportunity to deepen your understanding of your donors.

Remember, it's like being a detective, but for emotions! Your goal is to uncover and address the real issue, not just the one they're presenting on the surface.

Resolve conflict and solve problems by addressing the second pain

Here's where the real problem-solving happens. By addressing that second level of pain - the one they know but don't admit to - you can often resolve conflicts and find solutions that really stick. It's not about band-aid fixes; it's about healing the real wound.

When you address Pain 2, you're showing donors that you really get them. You're not just fixing a surface problem, you're addressing their deeper concerns and fears. This is where real trust is built. For example, if a donor is hesitant about making a large gift, don't just focus on the financial aspects (Pain 1). Instead, address their concerns about impact and legacy (Pain 2). Show them exactly how their gift will make a difference and how you'll keep them involved and informed.

By resolving Pain 2, you often find that Pain 1 disappears on its own. It's like magic, but it's really just good, deep relationship building.

Your job is not to sell but to have others feel seen, heard and understood

Repeat after me: I am not a salesperson. I am a relationship builder. Your job isn't to convince anyone of anything. It's to make your donors feel truly seen, heard, and understood. When you do that, the "selling" takes care of itself.

This is a total mindset shift, folks. Instead of thinking about how to persuade donors to give, think about how to truly understand them. Listen more than you talk. Ask questions that show you're genuinely interested in their thoughts and feelings. When donors feel that you really get them - not just as ATMs, but as whole people with complex motivations and desires - they'll be much more likely to support your cause.

Remember, people don't give to organizations. They give to people and causes they believe in. Your job is to help them see how your cause aligns with their values and desires.

Understand others' pains by asking questions like "Help me understand why that's important."

Want to know the secret sauce to understanding these pains? It's all in the questions you ask. "Help me understand why that's important to you" is like a magic key that unlocks deeper conversations. It shows you're genuinely interested and opens the door to those deeper levels of pain.

This question, and others like it, invite donors to share more about their motivations and concerns. It moves the conversation beyond surface-level small talk and into the realm of real connection. Other great questions include "What impact do you hope to see from your giving?" or "What experiences have shaped your philanthropic interests?"

The key is to ask open-ended questions and then really listen to the answers. Don't just wait for your turn to talk - really absorb what they're saying and ask follow-up questions. This is how you uncover those deeper pains and build truly meaningful relationships.

Try the three pains tool in your marketing to connect with prospects on a deeper level

Don't limit this to one-on-one conversations! The Three Pains approach can supercharge your marketing too. Use it to craft messages that really resonate, that speak to those deeper motivations. When your marketing connects on all three levels of pain, watch how your response rates soar!

In your marketing materials, don't just focus on the surface-level needs (Pain 1) like "we need to raise X amount." Speak to the deeper desires and concerns of your donors (Pain 2 and 3). Talk about the impact they can make, the legacy they can leave, the community they can be part of. Use stories and testimonials that touch on all three levels of pain.

For example, instead of just saying "Donate to help us build a new shelter," you might say "Join us in creating a place of hope and new beginnings for families in need. Your gift will not only provide shelter, but will give families the support and dignity they need to rebuild their lives."

Remember, folks, this isn't just about raising more money. It's about building a community of passionate supporters who are truly invested in your mission. It's about creating relationships that last and making a real difference in the world.

So, go out there and start digging deeper. Ask those questions, listen with empathy, and watch how your donor relationships transform. You've got this!

And hey, if you want to dive even deeper into this stuff, don't forget to check out my coaching courses. Let's chat about how we can take your fundraising to the next level!